QUESTIONS? ANSWERS TO SOME OF THE MOST OFTEN ASKED QUESTIONS BY BIRTH PARENTS
- Why choose adoption?
- Who will help me explore my options?
- Will the adoptive parents take good care of my child?
- Can I choose a family for my baby?
- How do I choose the family to raise my child?
- Can I meet the family I choose?
- Are there other birthparents I can talk to about my decision?
- Will I be able to see my baby in the hospital?
- How soon after the birth will the baby go to the parents I choose?
- How do I know my baby will be well cared for if I choose a cradle care family?
- What will my baby know about me?
- Does the father of the baby have any rights?
- What kind of financial assistance will your agency offer me?
- What kind of interaction can I have with my child in the future?
- Will my child wonder why I placed him or her for adoption?
- What will my baby think of me over the years?
- Why am I placing my child for adoption?
Why choose adoption?
Many women who find themselves in a crisis pregnancy situation are unprepared emotionally and financially to parent a child. The choice of adoption is a positive alternative to parenting before you are ready. Adoption doesn’t work for everyone; however, it can be a viable solution for many women. If you are still thinking about your options, we can help you by discussing the choices available to you and helping you decide what will be best for you and your child given your situation. We will also prepare you for the feelings and emotions involved in adoption and assist you in working those through both before and after the placement.
Who will help me explore my options?
Your Adoption Network of Colorado counselor will provide individualized, sensitive, and supportive counseling at no cost to you. The decision to choose adoption is not an easy one to make on your own. It is often a difficult and painful choice. However, there are ways to lessen the pain when your feelings are dealt with in a supportive and positive environment.
Will the adoptive parents take good care of my child?
Prospective adoptive parents are carefully screened and are required to provide a great deal of information about themselves. They are visited in their home by a social worker, background checks are conducted, and personal references are checked. They are taught about the special nature of adoptive parenting before the adoption takes place. By the time our agency has approved adoptive parents for placement of a child, we have gotten to know them very well, and feel confident they would make good parents. This does not promise that they will be perfect parents, but they are usually decent people who are experiencing infertility and really want to care for children.
Can I choose a family for my baby?
Yes! You can choose the family for your baby by selecting from the parents screened by our agency staff. The family creates a profile book (similar to a scrapbook) telling about their lives and backgrounds. You will read “Dear Birthmother” letters and view photographs of the family’s home, pets, travel, jobs, etc. Or you may choose someone who has been recommended to you by someone you trust, like a relative, friend, pastor, doctor, etc. We will represent you, as well as your needs and wishes, to the family you select. If the family you choose lives outside of the state, we will arrange with an agency in their state to cooperate with us in making the placement go smoothly.
How do I choose the family to raise my child?
Several factors are important when choosing the best family for your child. You must consider what kind of parents you visualize for your child and what kind of life style you wish for him/her. Here are some questions to consider.
- How long has the couple been married? How old are they?
- Does the couple have other children?
- What is the couple’s reason for adoption?
- Is the couple religious? What kind of values does the couple hold?
- What kind of financial base does the couple have?
These are just some sample questions to consider. Our staff will also help you through the process of choosing a family so you can find the appropriate one among our selection of pre-approved families.
Can I meet the family I choose?
Yes, you can meet the adoptive family before placement and talk to them by phone throughout your pregnancy. If you wish, they also might be able to be present at doctors’ visits and at the hospital during delivery. We will help you arrange a mutually acceptable schedule for the exchange of letters and pictures after the placement.
Are there other birthparents I can talk to about my decision?
Our agency offers continual support to you before and after you place your baby with the family you select. Talking with others who have experienced many of the same feelings that you have can be beneficial. We will be happy to put you in touch with someone who has already made an adoption plan.
Will I be able to see my baby in the hospital?
Yes. You have many choices available to you during your hospital stay. Your counselor will assist you in making a written plan about how you would like things to go at the hospital. It includes letting the hospital know how much contact you would like with the baby, who you want to visit with you and/or the baby, how much involvement you would like the adoptive parents to have, requesting a private room on or off the maternity floor, etc. This written plan will help things go smoothly and alert the staff about how to best serve you during your stay.
How soon after the birth will the baby go to the parents I choose?
Usually, it is possible for your baby to go directly to the adoptive family from the hospital, if you are sure of your decision and there is no other legal or medical reason to prevent it. In some cases the baby will go to a cradle care family (transitional care) until the legal relinquishment procedures are completed.
How do I know my baby will be well cared for if I choose a cradle care family?
Your baby can stay with a loving cradle care family if you are unsure of your decision or until the legal release procedures are completed if this is your wish. Cradle care parents are extensively interviewed and specifically chosen by Adoption Network of Colorado. They are stable two-parent families and have extensive experience in infant care. Cradle care mothers are not employed outside the home, so the baby is always cared for by one primary caregiver. Your baby will usually be the only child in the home placed by any agency. These special people will get your baby off to a good start!
What will my baby know about me?
We will obtain social and medical background information that will be provided to the adoptive couple. They can then be prepared to give informed medical care and accurate information about you to the child. We also prepare the adoptive family on how to share the adoption story with the child. We will assist you in planning for the exchange of letters, pictures, souvenirs, updates, etc. with the adoptive family. Adoptive families will respect your need to know that your child is loved and happy. You may want to write a letter to your child sharing special information about yourself or send a gift that will tell your child in the future that your decision for adoption was based on love and wanting the best for their future.
Does the father of the baby have any rights?
We will need any information that you have regarding the birthfather. If we know who the birthfather is, and we can locate him, he does have the right to know about the adoption. Our agency will guide him through the process if he chooses to be involved. We can also contact him for you if you so choose. Our attorney will be available to advise him of his rights and responsibilities and to execute the necessary paperwork. If the birthfather cannot be located, our attorney will take care of the legal issues as well.
What kind of financial assistance will your agency offer me?
Most states allow for some help with living expenses during your pregnancy and for your recovery time after birth. We will help you apply for benefits to cover your medical expenses as provided by Medicaid and/or private medical insurance. If no such support is available, the agency may help you with medical expenses. All legal fees for the adoption are covered by Adoption Network of Colorado of Colorado of Colorado. Counseling services are also provided at not cost to you.
What kind of interaction can I have with my child in the future?
Talk to your counselor about the amount of openness that is best for you. Confidential adoptions, in which the birth parents and the adoptive parents don’t meet before the placement, or stay in touch after the placement, are an option for you. However, many birth parents desire to have some level of open adoption so that they can stay in contact with the adoptive parents and the child over the years. Here are the different levels of openness:
- Least open – You will choose the family for your baby, but will not meet them in person.
- More open – You and the prospective adoptive parents will speak on the phone and exchange first names. You will receive pictures and letters from them after placement, at mutually agreed upon intervals.
- Even more open – You will meet the prospective adoptive parents at a meeting facilitated by your counselor. They will be present at the hospital during labor and delivery (either in the room with you or in the waiting room – your choice). You will receive pictures and letters from them after placement, at mutually agreed upon intervals.
- Most open – You will meet the prospective adoptive parents at a meeting facilitated by your counselor. They will be present at the hospital during labor and delivery (either in the room with you or in the waiting room – your choice). You and the adoptive parents share your full names, addresses, and phone numbers. You stay in contact with the family and your child over the years, by visiting, calling, e-mail, and writing to each other.
Will my child wonder why I placed him or her for adoption?
Probably. But adoption now is a lot different from what it was when you were growing up. Most adopted adults understand that their birth parents placed them for adoption out of love, and because they had a vision of the kind of life they wanted for their child. Hopefully, your child will come to realize that many of his or her wonderful traits come from you. And if you have an open adoption, it is likely you will be able to explain to the child why you chose adoption. With open adoption you are able to play an important role in your child’s life.
What will my baby think of me over the years?
You will always be an important person to your child, no matter what level of openness you have decided upon. Your child will know who you are and will know about the love and care that went into your decision. The friendship and relationship you build with the adoptive parents makes it easy to stay in touch.
Why am I placing my child for adoption?
If your answer is because it is what you and your partner think is best, then it is a good decision. Now is the time to move in a positive direction and feel good about it without guilt!